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Anti-hero (short story series, cat episode)
Anti-hero (short story series, cat episode)


Forfattersiden.dk
Forfatter: dry/humor
Skrevet: 2013-09-02 21:54:08
Version: 1.0
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We strolled along the pavement enjoying the warm sunlight and increasing numbers of pretty high-school girls, when Michael broke the long contemplative silence “what I am trying to teach you is to start being smart about things”, he pointed across the street “take that old lady over there calling to her cat in the tree for instance-” “Yeah, it’s probably too scared to climb down; I’ve seen that quite a lot lately.” “Well, what are you going to do about it?” “Let me show you, I’ve actually gotten quite good at this kind of thing.”

I crossed the street dodging a few cars”¦ [dislodging a very uncooperative cat from tree]

On the way back across the street the scratches started itching, damn thing would probably continue all day. Michael was typing something into his phone with a little smile on his face. “Well? What do you think?” He glanced up briefly before he finished typing “the cat didn’t seem very happy to meet you.” “Well it was the right thing to do, and it made the old lady very happy.”
We started walking again, after looking pensive for a while he replied “is it?” and continued “This whole situation actually reminds me of that old psychology trick-picture. The world is like that one: you can either focus on the old lady or the young girl, but you can never see them at the same time” he took a breath “and the thing about the curse is that-” “I thought you called it the call?” He smiled a bit riley “call it what you want, the call will just keep on throwing more shit your way, the more you follow it” he pushed his hand downward, “but the good thing about low grade heroics is that you can usually ignore them most of the time.”
How could this guy be such a jerk? “Come on, don’t be an asshole! You have to help people whenever you can! This world would be pretty crappy place if everybody walked around spitting old ladies in the face.” “It’s all about making room for important stuff, the call will eat you alive if you let it, so the sooner you stop caring about disapproving looks and occasionally harsh language, the faster you can get a bit of your old life back.” “That doesn’t sound very heroic” I said through clenched teeth, he was really getting to me.  “Well, it’s your choice” he said waggling his mobile phone, “you helped another old lady, I got Patricias phone number.” “Who’s Patricia?” He pointed at a couple of long-legged girls walking further down the street “the blond one. While you were up there making a serious attempt at getting your eyes clawed out, we laughed about her silly little brother and found out that we both like rollerblading.” I couldn’t help rolling my eyes “yeah, yeah, I guess you’re going on a date then?” “Pretty much, her friend was definitely on my side, so the number seems pretty solid.” “They didn’t complain about you not helping with the cat?” He smiled playfully “actually, I think that’s what got us started on talking about her little brother.”
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dry/humor2013-09-02 22:28:17

Der er en hel del ting jeg ikke kan lide ved tekststykket, primært at det er aaalt for langt og detaljeret til basic character establishment.

Men det var sjovt at eksperimentere med direkte tale, og få lidt regi-bemærkninger skudt ind, for at bryde samtalen op og skabe variation, men der er stadig lange replikskifter hvor man risikerer at miste tråden...
Overvejede også at tilføje lidt indre dialog og følelser, men jeg droppede lidt tanken igen, for ikke at dræbe sarkasmen.

haleløs2013-09-03 07:29:59

... rollerblading with Patricia she will probably ask Michael to match her up with I, the scratched cat-rescuer.
Excellent, realistic well-written story!
sincerely ...
'the call' = (noges) kald? hmmm... brug 'destiny' eller andet udtryk
NB "You have to help people whenever you can! " should ;)

dry/humor2013-09-03 08:39:46

Tak :)

Lige nu lader jeg afsnittet ligge lidt, mens jeg arbejder på introen til den første novelle i serien, hvor Michael selv (eller hvad han nu kommer til at hedde) er hovedperson.
Men jeg tror faktisk at det ville være en god idé at sprede diskussionen lidt ud, så den kommer til at fungere mere som et sideløbende tema, i stedet for at jeg dumper hele filosoferingen på en gang. Light-udgaven kunne fx være at nøjes med old lady/young girl argumentet lige her. Tingene ser vel anderledes ud, når man arbejder med en hel novelle på en gang...

Ja, det bliver normalt kaldt call of destiny eller call to adventure, men det bliver nok lidt langt i længden, og er måske lidt store ord for at redde en kat ned fra et træ ;)

haleløs2013-09-05 23:00:19

halløjsan; du, som efterlyser høje(re) ambitionsniveau skulle ta' og kigge på profilerne bag følgende tekster:

Træk vejret
Lukkede øjne kan godt flyde over
Digter Livets Jam
spejdernes lejr min lejrsang ( nu med lydfil )
[storyid]b86665062dc65f26dcaa6a1796e6394b[/storyid]

Endvidere Chilsen og Sweets, som har vundet konkurrencer og fået udgivet deres noveller
endvidere Anglicismo, Reppel og Nhuths 'Esoteriske Slips' serie.

Ku' godt nævne flere; men vil hellere i seng ;)
venligst ...
dry/humor2014-01-17 19:14:07
Btw. jeg er ikke i tvivl om at der er mange dygtige folk herinde.

Den diskussion du henviser er ikke en kritik af niveauet herinde, men om at jeg er interesseret i at finde dem, der er interesseret i at give og modtage konstruktiv kritik.
http://www.forfattersiden.dk/article.php?storyid=364ab428128ac21a458167bd5e367148

Fordi de generelt bare er mere interessante at skrive med på et forum som forfattersiden, og fordi vi alle sammen hellere vil i seng end at tale for døve ører

nhuth2014-01-17 20:45:42

Til dry/humor.
Når du henviser til en bestemt tekst på F-siden, vil det være brugervenligt at indsætte det direkte link, i dette tilfælde: Hvilken slags feedback vil folk gerne have herinde?
dry/humor2014-01-17 21:05:23
Jeg er åbenbart for meget en noob til at regne ud hvordan man får avancerede tekstformateringsredskaber frem, så man kan skrive andet end plain text i kommentarer... (fx fed)

Forventes man at hardcode det i html?

dry/humor2014-01-17 21:07:26

Nope, tilsyneladende ikke... og jeg kan heller ikke se man kan redigere i kommentarer :/
dry/humor2014-01-17 21:09:39
...og for meget noob til at læse Hjælp/info

nhuth2014-01-17 21:25:34

Til dry/humor. Jeg véd ikke hvad "hardcode i html" og "noob" betyder her.
Når jeg redigerer i mine kommentarer, kopierer jeg dem blot og sætter dem ind som ny kommentar, som er meget redigerings-venlige. Hvis du ikke gider læse Hjælp/info, så må du jo bare forsøge dig frem ;-)
Der er masser af konstruktiv hjælp at hente på F-siden, hvis du fremsætter konkrete ønsker eller forespørgsler.
Vh.Nhuth

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